Not good enough
by thankyoucaptain
Summary: Kel is in love, but believes he can't love her. He is in love with her, but believes she doesn't want him. Dom/Kel
1. Kiss in the Garden

**Author's Note: HERS, not mine. (If you don't know who SHE is, find out) New story, tell me what you think. I couldn't find any Dom/Kel that satisfied me, so I wrote one. (I know it says R, I'll get to that! *wink wink*)**

She has always been attracted to him. Who wouldn't? With his handsome face, fit body, wonderful and cheery personality…. Was he interested in her? How could he be? She was overly muscular, no feminine shape to be seen, not feminine in the least….Maybe in her dreams.

He filled her dreams, whispering her name, reaching out for her, telling her she was the one he waited for, only to fade if she got too close. _Is it an omen? _She wondered.

Ever since he had met her, he had fallen in love. She was so strong, so self-serving, none of this dependency of the court ladies. Why would she look at him? He was just one of the people she knew, a friend. Especially those rumours of him being interested in men for love, women just for pleasure. Unfounded, he now realized.

He thought of her all the time. Most of his lovesick friends were in love, but their thoughts were of the lustful variety. His were pure…most of the time. _What would she say to this?... If she were here she would make him shut up….She would have thought of the perfect retort here…._ He had dreams of her, where he tried to tell her she was the one he wanted, she ignored him, and when he tried to touch her, to reason with her, she disappeared.

At one of the many dances of the Tortallan court, Kel was done with standing on the heat, watching flirtations, suggestions, love all around her. It made her heart hurt. She escaped to the garden, the one NOT frequented by lovers. As she was smelling the flowers, lost in her own mournful thoughts, someone bumped into her.

Startled, she looked up. Domitan stood there; pink, apologizing profusely for not watching where he was going. She felt her cheeks start to warm at his proximity and asked him a question to hide it.

"What were you thinking of, that made you bump into an innocent flower admirer?" She asked in an arch tone.

"Uh, well, um…" he stammered, not wanting to admit he was thinking of her.

"Yes?"

Improving, Dom said, "I was thinking of you, my lady" in an overly dramatic voice "and how I must, as a chivalrous gentleman, escort you to make sure no barbarian would advantage of your virtue…."

"Oh really?" still in an arch tone, Kel replied, "you seem to be confusing me with Rhoslyn or Jianne. I am no weak court lady, to be flirted with and left. Look at me; I look nothing like them. No barbarian would go for me."

"Oh, hang it all, Kel! I was just joking. No barbarian would touch you because you can take care of yourself! You are a welcome change from the court ladies, who are as deep as…, as paper! And you look wonderful tonight!"

"Thank you?"

"Don't hate me, understand?" and with that astonishing announcement, Dom leaned over and held her chin. Still looking her in the eyes, he kissed her softly. Then, without saying anything else, he turned and exited the garden.

Kel stood there for what seemed like eternity. _WHY did he do that? Could he possibly….no. He probably does that with all the court ladies, I am just a practice, to keep his wooing skills sharp. I am just a friend, so he can…kiss me without repercussions. What am I going to do? How do act around him now? I'll never be able to look at him without thinking of that kiss._

Slowly, Kel realized she couldn't hear voices any longer, which meant that the party was over. She could go to bed, and hope that sleep would come easily tonight, so she could forget what had just happened.

Sleep did not come easily to Dom that night. He was up 'til the sun rose, agonizing about his rash action, and Kel's response.

_How could he have treated her like that? She wasn't one of the court ladies; she wasn't used to flirtations. She probably had never been kissed either… No. CLEON and her….if he ever comes back to court, I'll strangle him! How could he have strung her along, knowing that he could never marry her?_

_I had better make sure I don't have any previous engagements….Wait. Am I REALLY sure, I want to woo and marry her? If she is interested, I think….yes._

**R and R please! (Read and review…) and please be nice. And read the books first!**


	2. Receiving Council

**HERS not mine… I 3 these guys though!**

Nealan of Queenscove had finally settled down with a book, finally gotten comfortable, when someone knocked on the door. With a groan, he got up and opened it for whomever it was, ready to give them a piece of his mind.

It was Kel, bright red and embarrassed. Sighing, he let her in and got her settled in the other chair. Once he had sat down, he asked

"What happened? You are redder than a beat!"

"uh, well…last night I was in the garden and…. I talked to someone. He said he had better come out and protect my…virtue. I told him he was treating me like a lady, and that I could protect myself, and…no barbarian would care about me when ladies like Rhoslyn and Jianne were around. HE said I looked pretty and that I was much deeper than any of the other ladies. Then…. Well…. Uh….

"Two things. Dear girl, do you really think that you aren't pretty? And I'm guessing that he did something embarrassing. Did he rape you?

"NEAL! NO! I swear, you have the dirtiest mind in the world! He kissed me! In public!

That's not so bad…. I'm to guess he 'tickles your fancy'?

"yes."

"Then what do you need me for?"

" he is a known flirt….and there are rumours that he is…he uses girls for…pleasure….and is really interested in….men. I want to know why he kissed me! It can't be because he likes me, so why?

Why can't it be? You are not the undesirable person you think you are! Who is it?"

"that's confidential."

"Faleron?"

"No."

"Roald?"

"NO!"

"Joren?"

"gods no! who do you think I am?"

"some foreigner?"

"no. you realize that even if you say the right person, I'll say no!"

"that's cheating. wait, Domitan?"

"no its not. The information is confidential."

"so it is Domitan?"

"…no."

"He is handsome, you know. Like me, but less. And single!"

"and you are just so modest."

"I knew it!"

"that's why you came to ask me."

"well, why did he do it?" Kel asked, bright red, for what seemed the millionth time today.

"I'm not sure. Would you like me to find out through espionage?

"that's spying right? I guess. I really need to know!"

With a world-suffering sigh, Neal replied. "The things I do for friends…"

After Kel left, and Neal had gotten some food, he settled down in his chair again and got the same book out. He sent a prayer to the gods that his reading would go uninterrupted. Apparently, his prayer was answered by the Trickster god, for the next person to enter was his cousin, Domitan himself. He knocked, then opened the door and walked in. After looking around once, he plopped himself down and sighed.

"yes, you can enter my rooms, yes you can sit in my 2nd favorite chair, and yes you can bother my reading to get council on your love life.

"if you want me to go…" Dom replied in a tired voice.

"On the contrary, tell me all about it. Did you get any sleep last night?"

"no."

"tell me all!"

"last night I was bored, at the party you know. I looked around and noticed that she had gone."

"who is she?"

" a girl I…. I think I'm in love…but for her sake, I won't tell you her name. anyway. So I followed her out into the garden. Then I started thinking about how useless this was. She's not interested. And as I was thinking, I bump into someone. It was her! She had been smelling the flowers. She asked me what I was doing. I…forgot who she was, and treated her like a court lady. I flirted with her, and that confused her. Then I tried to bluster my way through it. She didn't believe me, and…when she was most confused I took that advantage. Then I left! With no apology!"

"you seem to be over reacting…unless, did you rape her?"

Dom threw himself out of the chair, furious. "who do you think I am! I should never have come, you are too insensitive!"

Placating, Neal responded "No, I didn't think you did. I just had to make sure…are you sure you won't tell me who she is?"

"yes."

"I can guess. Let's see, not like a court lady, confused by flirting… Alanna?"

"NEAL! She is like a thousand years older than me!"

"I didn't think so. Keladry?"

Sinking back into the chair, Dom said, defeated "yes. Don't tell her or so help me….!"

"wouldn't dream of it. Is she interested in you?"

"I don't know. I can't tell! With her Yamani training…"

"how long has this been going on? You being in love with her?"

"I don't know. It might have even started when she became the king's-own squire…or later. What do I do?"

"well, start with this…."

**R and R! (the more reviews, the faster new chapters come?)**


	3. Revelation

**The setting, the characters, the personalities, and billions of other things are all borrowed from the most amazing author in the world, which means I don't own them… And yes, she is the most amazing authoress in the WORLD! (that I've read….but believe you me, I've read 2 libraries full of books[no joke] so I've read A LOT!)**

A week later: Kel is in Neal's room agonizing about Dom.

"I just can't tell! I think he is just flirting with me to keep in practice, but then he does something really sweet…"

"Do you want me to ask?"

"wwWhat? NO!" Kel's yell was loud enough to reach Dom, who was walking to his rooms, which were near Neal's after practice. He judged her yell to be coming from Neal's room. He feared for the worst when he realized it was. After making a spilt second decision, he pressed his ear against the door. How he hoped that Neal wasn't telling his secret!

"you can't tell him I love him! You promised!"

"you are sure you love Dom then?"

"yes."

Hearing those words sent Dom into ecstasy. He gave a loud whoop, then realized what he had done. He hurried down the corridor as fast as he could, but not fast enough. Kel had crossed to the door and flung it open. When she looked outside, she saw Dom walking away and inadvertently moaned. He, hearing the moan and the door crash open turned quickly to see Kel fall in a dead faint. Shocked, he ran to her and caught her, holding her close. He carried her to her rooms and laid her on the bed.

There she woke suddenly. Seeing where she was and who had carried her, she was up like a shot. She ran out of the door before he could even say her name and was away. He, guessing where she was going, took the shortcut to the stables.

She was already at the stables when he got there, throwing tack on her horses feverously. Not ready to reason with her, he tacked up his horses also. Her Hoshi and Peachblossom were tacked and ready to go, neighing as they caught some of their owner' excitement.

Dom whistled, calling one of the stable boys to him. Pressing a copper into his hand, he told the boy to go to Nealan of Queenscove and tell him that Kel had…overreacted and he had to follow her. As the boy ran off, he threw himself on his horse's back, ready to follow his love wherever she might go.

**I apologize for the short chapter, but I had to stop here just to use a cliché term. They are so fun! (as long as it isn't a dark stormy night, once upon a time, a beautiful princess)**


	4. Chance Meeting

**Notice: as always, unless I suddenly become Tamora Pierce, I don't own this stuff. Though I do love it!**

As she rode Kel tried to keep from thinking, but he kept coming back. _What would he do? Was he the one who had whooped? Oh, it was SOO embarrassing! How could she have been so careless? _She would never be able to face him ever again…

Peachblossom galloped steadily underneath her, neither knowing nor caring why they were flying away from the castle.

Kel felt the familiar pangs of loneliness fill her again. She missed the sparrows flying behind her, following her everywhere. She looked at the empty cup in her saddle, wondering where her Jump was. As an answer, a shape suddenly appeared, flying through the air, to land sloppily in the cup. It was Jump tail wagging, tongue out, panting, not annoyed at all at almost being left behind.

_Toby is going to kill me when he finds out. But I couldn't just take him with me! He has schooling, and page duties, I can't even take him normally without getting "permission" first! Hopefully he will understand…_

Lost in her thoughts she hadn't noticed how far she had gone when Peachblossom halted next to a semi-familiar stream. Once she had gotten her bearings and dismounted, he shook all over, then plunged his muzzle into the clear water.

Then she heard a stick crack. "Who is there?" Come out where I can see you!" She had also readied her bow behind her back, it never hurts to be careful.

"It is only I." a child's voice replied. A girl of 6 or 7 with long gold hair and green eyes emerged from the bushes. Kel relaxed and put away her bow.

"Where are you going, Protector of the Small?" With a yelp, Kel turned back to the girl.

"What did you say? Never mind, I heard you. Are you a seer child?"

"I have been called that, yes." The child said with a small smile. She came closer to Kel, her dirty green dress catching on some branches. "But you did not answer my  question. Where are you going?"

"I…don't know exactly. Away. I'll find something."

"So you are running away?"

That smarted, so Kel replied "NO. I just need some space. Now, if you will excuse me, I must go." With that she swept onto Hoshi, who stood placidly nearby.

"If you must. But think on this, Keladry of Mindelan. You are beautiful in your own way, but you will never be able to see this unless you fix yourself. In this battle, you are not fighting him, you are fighting yourself. And for your sake, I hope you win.

Kel didn't wait to hear if she said anything more, she swung her horses around and galloped off. The little girl watched her go, then left the stream herself.

**Please read and review. I don't know if I should post more, if no one tells me! *wink wink* …unless you hate it….if you do….suggest ways to improve...but be nice!**


	5. Falling

**I know, I know, I haven't written a new chapter in AGES. But, for my excuse, I've been getting ready for college (even though I am only a sophomore!)**

As Kel rode, she couldn't get thoughts of that girl out of her head.

_What did she mean, "I am beautiful in my own way"? I wonder if she was blind! _Kel thought savagely

_There is no other way, I mean I look nothing like any of those ladies prized for their beauty. And I know that! I came to terms with that a LONG time ago. Though sometimes, I wish… but there is NOTHING I can do about it! Oh, curse that boy, anyway! It just wasn't FAIR. What right had he to make a tangle of my emotions anyway? It's not like he was SERIOUS or anything… Uggh, I just don't know!_

To pull herself out of her spinning thoughts, Kel started to sing, quietly at first, then louder. All those drinking songs she had learned from the soldiers, all the childhood nursery songs, the sea shanties.

When she had exhausted her repertoire and her voice, she looked around, realizing with a shock both how far she had come, and how close it was to nighttime.

_There isn't a village nearby, but I have to stop for rest, and a switch of horses. After that I'll keep riding… but to WHERE? When Alanna went away, she went to the Bazhir but I really don't like that much heat… Hey! There's an idea. I could just go visit Alanna, tell her that I'm not needed at the border right now, and…but I need a reason to be there! Oh, of course. I teach her the glaive, I still haven't done that._

DAYS LATER

"Great. Just great. This is our favorite weather, isn't it Jump? All that rain, and fog, and damp?"

After days without seeing a human face (except for those few times she had to stop for food) were wearing on Kel. She had taken to talking to her animals just so she could hear a human voice.

"Hey, Peachblossom? I'm gonna fill our water jugs at that river over there, so mind the stuff."

_I wonder if he even understands that. I know Daine did…something to him, but did she make him smarter or what? He does seem like he understands me, and he challenged that centaur… I don't know, but its something interesting to think about!_

While Kel was musing she approached the river.

It was fast than she had thought before, and deeper. Because she was busy thinking about Peachblossom's intelligence, she missed how shiny and wet the rock she had stepped on was, until she started to fall.

Jolted out of her thoughts, she immediately tried to regain her balance, but she could not. She could only watch as her feet came out from under her, and she somersaulted into the raging river.

DOM

He had caught up to her about a day or two ago, after riding long and hard.

He was still deciding what to do, when all the sudden Jump came barreling out of nowhere, barking at him. Dom, not knowing what was going on, but guessing that something had happened to Kel, jumped off his horse, groundtieing him.

He then ran directly behind Jump, to see what had happened. Jump brought him to the edge of the river then whined. Dom, guessing that Kel had fallen in, ran along the edge of it, searching for any sign of her.

**Short chapter, I know, but since it's summer, I'm hoping to get a LOT more chances to write.**

**As always, reviews are wonderful, as long as they're nice! JK, critiques are good too, as long as they aren't RUDE….**


	6. Saved from Death

**Characters, Settings, and Everything but the idea/words belongs to the Magical Tamora Pierce, as always, so don't sue me….**

**I apologize for the long wait, I don't know what happened!**

KEL

Kel gasped at how cold the water was, and immediately swallowed what seemed like a gallon of water.

She threw her head out of the water, and spit out all the water, spluttering. She was swiftly being carried far from her campsite, and she knew if she didn't get out of the water soon, she would die.

Kel looked around for a branch she could grab onto, and had just spotted a likely one when her head was forced under the water by the waves again, inhaling water as she went.

She surfaced as soon as she could manage and looked around with increasing fervor, realizing how far she had been swept by now.

"Kel! Grab the branch!" a voice yelled. Just as she heard the voice, she also noticed a long tree branch about half a foot from the water.

She reached, and had just wrapped her hand around it, when another big wave pushed her under and into the branch, knocking her head into it with incredible force. Luckily she had remembered to close her mouth, so she didn't swallow much water this time!

As she lost consciousness, she thought _I'm not ready to die. What will Peachblossom do without me?_

DOM

As soon as he had seen her go in, he'd ran along the bank, attempting to keep up with her. As he ran, he'd noticed a good-sized branch, and extended it over the water.

His heart had lifted as Kel reached for the branch, but when she was swept underneath it, it was clear she had lost consciousness.

"Damn it, Kel!" He said, and pulled his coat off. He ran just a bit farther ahead of her, and jumped in.

'_This water is __freezing!__ No wonder she was weakened by it, if I don't get out here soon….We could both die!' _He thought.

Luckily he had judged his jump right, as Kel's unconscious body bumped into him.

He grabbed ahold of it, and started dragging her towards shore. His hand, thrown behind him for balance, bumped into a branch, hanging over the edge of the river.

He grabbed it gratefully, and inched himself along it until he bumped into the wet soil that formed the bank of the river.

Dom draped Kel's body of the branch above the water, jumped up onto the bank, then hoisted Kel up to him.

'_She's freezing! As a matter of fact, so am I…'_

He wasn't sure if she'd swallowed any water, so he lay his love gently on the ground, and pressed lightly on her lungs. A little bit of water dribbled out of her mouth, but not much. Well, he didn't think she had anyway, but it was worth a try.

He picked her up again, shifting her into a comfortable position, carrying her like a baby, with her head on his shoulder, and her legs draped over his arm. He then began the long trip back to her campsite, made longer by the fact he was tired, carrying Kel, and both of them were ice cold and dripping wet.

'_I wonder what her reaction will be when she wakes up and finds that I saved her. I hope she'll be grateful, but with her….you never know. _

_I wish she wouldn't hide her feelings from everyone like that. I mean, why in the name of Mithros did she run from me? _

_But of course, I know why. All my flirtations, those rumours…..I'm such a fool! Why can't she see that she is the only one I love?'_

Finally, Dom reached Kel's campsite. Jump was there, waiting, wagging his tail in joy to see both of them. Peachblossom looked over curiously at his unconscious rider, then turned his back on Dom as Dom smiled at him.

He carried Kel into her tent, and was about to lay her down on her bedroll, when he realized how wet she still was.

_'She needs to change into warm clothes, but…. She's unconscious… Oh, Great Mother Goddess, please don't let her murder me for this!'_

He looked through her pack, until he found a full change of clothes. First her coat came off, he laid out so it could dry faster, then her tunic and leggings.

'_Ugh. Kel is going to kill me! But the cold will kill her…'_

Quickly, Dom stripped Kel of everything, then dressed her back up again, much like a life-sized doll.

After she was fully dressed, he laid her in her bedroll, which all of blankets tucked around her. Dom didn't want to leave her, but he was shivering violently, and was still soaked.

He ran to his pack, and re-dressed in a hurry. After he was done, he went back to check on her. She didn't appear to have woken up, but that was okay.

He didn't want to disturb her, so he closed the tent flap, and crossed the small campsite to were some previous traveler had long-ago built a fire.

Kel already had gathered firewood, so he put a few in the center of the burnt circle leaning together pointing to the sky. He then stuffed moss and chips of wood, and stuffed it underneath the point.

He pulled out his stone and flint, and created a spark, which immediately lit the moss and chips.

Having started the fire, he brought out his light metal kettle. They would both need something warm to drink! He filled it with water, and set it near the fire to boil.

This done, he went to check on his love again.

She seemed to have passed from unconsciousness to deep sleep, but she didn't look comfortable. He opened the tent flap all the way, and felt her hand.

'_It's still ice cold! I thought… She was in there much longer than I was…I'll give her that tea first, but if that doesn't warm her, I may have to warm her myself…And hope she doesn't murder me for sure!'_

Just then, a whistle came from the fire, signifying that the hot water was ready. He pulled one of the ingenious little bags of tea from his pocket, and put it in the hot water, stirring slowly with a wooden spoon.

As soon as it was ready, He poured it into two metal cups, and took them to Kel's tent. There he crouched next to her bedroll.

'_Oh. I forgot. She can't __drink__ if she's not __awake__. I'll try to wake her up, but we may have to resort to plan B.'_

"Kel?" His voice came broke. He tried again "Kel? Can you wake up?" No response.

'_Goddess, help her to forgive me!'_

Then, he drank his cup down, licking his lips. He took Kel's cup back to the fire, poured the tea back into the kettle, and placed the kettle far enough away from the fire that it wouldn't boil, but it would stay warm.

He then, went over to his horse and packs. He tied hobbles on his horses, and removed their tack and brushed them.

He then went over to Peachblossom and Hoshi, and removed their tack, starting with Hoshi.

Dom was surprised at Peachblossom's good behavior, but then he realized that the horse understood Kel wasn't able to take care of her horse at the moment, and so had to put up with Dom.

He tied hobbles on Hoshi, but at Peachblossom's snort, he realized that it probably wasn't a good idea to do the same to him.

"You better behave then! If you wander off, you aren't getting away it next time!" Dom warned the horse.

He grabbed his own bedroll from his packs, and brought it into the tent. Kel was still sleeping, still ice cold.

'_Here we go! Hmm… if anyone had told me at the beginning of this chase I would have been sleeping next to her, so early in our relationship, I would __never__ have believed them._

_It's not that this __isn't__ where I've been picturing myself for Gods know how long, it's just….I also pictured Kel awake, and willing!'_

In his own bedroll, he lay down next to her, and wrapped his arms around her. Unconsciously, while still asleep, she snuggled closer to him, to his warmth.

He chuckled, and gazed at her.

He had always thought she was beautiful, and while other men had scoffed at her stocky frame, Dom had always considered it perfect for her, a warrior's frame. Now all he had to do was convince her of it!

As lay there, thinking about his love for Kel, all he had done that day caught up with him, and he slipped into a dreamless sleep, arms still around her.

**This chapter is quite long, but it will make up for the shortness of the last chapter, and the long wait, which I have apologized for. (but am doing again, so my readers understand my profuseness! **

**As always, please Read and Review! (The more reviews I get, the faster chapters come!)**

**~Rose**


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